8/12/2010

Thank you everyone for the questions, here's a couple of them I will be answering today.

Dear Doctor Helpful,

How is babby formed?

-Ty Gerswordington

Well, this happens to be right up my alley, Ty. As you all know, a babby is a crossbreed between two of nature's most ferocious and indiscriminate lovers: the rabbit, and the deer. The first babby bred in captivity was born in 1976 after an accident on a farm in rural Virginia involving a petting zoo, a tractor, and the state's annual Fire Tranquilizer Darts In The Air Festival. Further babbies were made in scientific centers in Switzerland, and for the longest time it was believed that babbies did not occur in nature. That is, of course, until the 2004 sighting of a full-grown female babby fighting off Godzilla.

Interestingly enough the babby gets serveral genetic traits not only from the rabbit and deer, but also the rabbit's genetic cousin which as any biologist will tell you is the crocodile. This is seen from the babby's most distinguishing features; long tail, wide snout, and of course laser beam eyes. Also, unlike most cross-species, the babby is fertile, so two babbies siring a new babby is not only possible but a proven fact, however such babbies are especially rare, due to the complicated nature of babby breeding. Babbies have three genders, male, female, and snogful. Males can only impregnate rabbits, females can only be impregnated by deer, and snogfuls can only reproduce with each other, however are sexually attracted not to other snogful but to male and female babbys in addition to, for reasons unknown, pygmy marmosets.

Fortunately our furry-and-sometimes-scaly friends have only one natural predator, the elkf, which of course is a crossbreed between an elf and an elk. Fortunately an elkf needs to use it's acid breath to kill and Babbies are hard to corner and thus capable of avoiding the wrath of the elkf's acid.

Dear Doctor Helpful,

Why is the sky blue?

-Zadewda Nyndys'v'n

Well, Zad, this is a mystery that has plagued mankind for millions of years. Ever since there was civilation there has been the mystery of why the sky is blue, not to mention powder blue, which is largely recognized as the worst color ever. Only recently have scientists found the answer to this mystery, and it's a surprisingly simple one.

It all starts with chromium, which as you know is the chief ingredient to crayons, magic markers, colored pencils, and most recently ramen noodles. But it has been recently discovered that this magical mineral, nonexistant in most lifeforms, composed 65% of the bodies of the most famous of all dinosaurs, the Optimusosaurus Prime. When the Optimusosauruses were destroyed in Battle of Hoth 64 Million Years Ago, their bodies were vapored en masse, causing the chromium in their bodies so soak into the atmosphere. The color was chosen by the original Ultimate Warrior, Kublai Khan.

An even stranger development in discovering this is that the sky has a message written upon it, also, amazingly, in powder blue (thus unreadable to the naked eye). Using the Hubble Telescope, and a professional translator, this message (written in an early form of Cantonese) says this:

"Dear Earthchildren,

I'm sick and tired of your shit, stop praying to me, I cancelled my voicemail box.

-God"

That's all the time I have for today, unfortunately. Thank you and keep writing!